Lines of Communication Open?

How good are you at communicating? Personally? Intimately? How much do you hold back from others when communicating?

I’ve was thinking about this topic for a while and I often wonder why relationships, personal and professional, dissolve. When I watch others get into disagreements and even breakups and I analyze what went wrong. More often than not it because one or both parties didn’t disclose everything pertinent to their topic of dispute.

For some reason we often hold back information from others. It goes along with the phrase “information is power.” Yes, it is power and everyone always wants to have that power over others. By withholding information from others and then springing forth with it at the opportune time to make yourself look good is what usually happens. Sometimes it works out and no one gets upset, but sometimes it doesn’t. A lot of times the other person will feel cut down and inferior when that happens.

If you’re involved with someone as a friend or intimately, it is almost always better to be more open with them about things including your feelings. A lot of problems in relationships happen because walls are built keeping the other person out. Maybe we’re afraid of releasing our feelings and being judged critically for them. Perhaps we’re afraid to acknowledge certain feelings to ourselves.

By building these barrier walls around our feelings, shutting out the most important people in our lives breeds an unhealthy relationship and undermines the trust that is supposed to be the foundation of the relationship. When two people cannot trust one another, the relationship is certainly doomed.

We need to learn to share our thoughts, our feelings, our fears with our close and intimate friends, whether they be boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands or wives. We should be able to do so without fear of unsupportive criticism or judgment.

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When our partner or friend discloses their thoughts or feelings, we need to be supportive and listen to them. Being critical or judgmental of them doesn’t help them and will often cause them to build those walls for the next time they consider opening up. The walls will manifest in the form of short verbal or non-verbal cues leading to the suspicion that they’re holding something back from you and aren’t willing to open up. They resent you for the perception of you being judgmental and they want you to know that as they throw a cut your way. It’s a game and it’s a bad one.

You may not agree or see things the way the other person does, but if you want the relationship to flourish, you need to be supportive and non-judgmental. Assure them that they can trust you with their feelings and that you won’t turn on them.

More often than not, they probably just need someone to listen to them and not try and solve all their problems on the spot. They just need a shoulder to lean on and someone to vent to.

Be free to open up to your partner. Be a good partner and listen in a supportive manner.

Fortress of Solitude or Introversion?

Fortress of Solitude or Introversion?

So I was reading an article by the [Redacted] Guy titled: Fortress of Solitude — Are More of Us Getting Stuck Alone?

If you haven’t read this article, stop now and read it before going any further with mine. Once you’re done reading the article, read through some of the user comments at the end and then come back to my article here.

I enjoyed the article and can relate. I myself am an “island dweller” as [Redacted] Guy explains. I have been single my whole life and for a while I longed to have a girlfriend but every girl I wanted to date rejected me. There hasn’t been many girls as I suppose I am a bit picky. But after years of this and trying to impress girls or just being myself and see what happens, I have yet to be successful in wooing a fair maiden.

I’m at the point in my life where I don’t really care too much about it and I don’t seek the companionship of a female nearly as much as I used to. As a man I think logically as opposed to going on emotions. So the more I think about it, I realize that I am quite happy in my life and the order it is in. I’m very set in my ways and I’m afraid of bringing someone else in close to me that will ruin my way of life. Call it selfishness if you want but this is my life and I am choosing to live it the way I see fit.

If the right lady comes along and things do work out, there are things I am willing to compromise on as any relationship should do. But there are other things I am not willing to compromise on. For example I loathe alcohol and I don’t want to be with anyone who drinks, regardless of how much or how little it may be.

But as I read through the aforementioned article, I couldn’t help notice the various levels of introversion among the people who left comments and from [Redacted] Guy. Many of them wrote about how they enjoy their alone time and how they wouldn’t give it up for anything. It’s classic introversion and maybe they don’t even know it.

I’m sitting here on my couch with my MacBook Pro on my lap typing this blog and it is perfectly quiet in the house except for the ticking of my clock and my cat running around being goofy right now. The thought of having another person here right now is aggravating to me, interrupting my silence and altering my time alone. Some of the commenters in the article mentioned Kathryn Hepburn saying something like men and women should live by themselves and only visit once in a while. I don’t know if she really said that or not, but I like the idea. Call me weird, but if I were married, I think that I might enjoy it if we each had our own separate bedrooms to sleep in. Sex aside, we could sleep comfortably in bed without waking up with the other persons foot lodged under your back or enduring the snoring of the other if they do it. Once in a while we could have a “sleep over” in one of our rooms for that cuddling time I suppose, but by in large, sleep alone. I really cherish my sleep and I find that I need 8-9 hours of quality sleep if I am going to function well the next day. I cannot imagine having to give up my sleep due to problems with the other person in bed, if there were problems.

I think the fortress of solitude [Redacted] Guy speaks of and his commenters agree with is really just a part of introversion. Us introverts are capable of living independently and often enjoy our alone time. Sometimes it’s difficult for us to live with other people or have close relationships with them.

I’ve mentioned in other articles that I am opposed to having my own children. As of late, I am wondering if I even want to get married. I haven’t ruled it out completely but I am questioning it. I know that goes against the traditional views of most people and Christianity but I am not so sure that it’s right for me.

The woman I could end up marrying would really have to be that “special someone” for me to accept me for who I am. She would have to grant me plenty of my alone time, and not to be mean, but she cannot be annoying to me. Too many women I know annoy the fire out of me and when I try to imagine being married to them solely for the sake of argument, I think that I would rather shoot myself than be married to some of these women. You probably think that sounds mean, but that is how I feel. Aren’t I entitled to be happy? I don’t want to be annoyed, I want to be happy. I know there has to be women out there that aren’t annoying; I just need to find out where they’re at.

So as an introvert, my fortress of solitude is my home and I enjoy the fact that it’s just me and my cat. Once in a while I will have company over, but I am gratefully relieved when they leave.

I think the best type of woman for me is another introvert. She would be someone who can understand me, and I understand her. We would have our own fortress’s of solitude whether it be separate bedrooms, or a different set of rooms altogether.

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