Fortress of Solitude or Introversion?

Fortress of Solitude or Introversion?

So I was reading an article by the [Redacted] Guy titled: Fortress of Solitude — Are More of Us Getting Stuck Alone?

If you haven’t read this article, stop now and read it before going any further with mine. Once you’re done reading the article, read through some of the user comments at the end and then come back to my article here.

I enjoyed the article and can relate. I myself am an “island dweller” as [Redacted] Guy explains. I have been single my whole life and for a while I longed to have a girlfriend but every girl I wanted to date rejected me. There hasn’t been many girls as I suppose I am a bit picky. But after years of this and trying to impress girls or just being myself and see what happens, I have yet to be successful in wooing a fair maiden.

I’m at the point in my life where I don’t really care too much about it and I don’t seek the companionship of a female nearly as much as I used to. As a man I think logically as opposed to going on emotions. So the more I think about it, I realize that I am quite happy in my life and the order it is in. I’m very set in my ways and I’m afraid of bringing someone else in close to me that will ruin my way of life. Call it selfishness if you want but this is my life and I am choosing to live it the way I see fit.

If the right lady comes along and things do work out, there are things I am willing to compromise on as any relationship should do. But there are other things I am not willing to compromise on. For example I loathe alcohol and I don’t want to be with anyone who drinks, regardless of how much or how little it may be.

But as I read through the aforementioned article, I couldn’t help notice the various levels of introversion among the people who left comments and from [Redacted] Guy. Many of them wrote about how they enjoy their alone time and how they wouldn’t give it up for anything. It’s classic introversion and maybe they don’t even know it.

I’m sitting here on my couch with my MacBook Pro on my lap typing this blog and it is perfectly quiet in the house except for the ticking of my clock and my cat running around being goofy right now. The thought of having another person here right now is aggravating to me, interrupting my silence and altering my time alone. Some of the commenters in the article mentioned Kathryn Hepburn saying something like men and women should live by themselves and only visit once in a while. I don’t know if she really said that or not, but I like the idea. Call me weird, but if I were married, I think that I might enjoy it if we each had our own separate bedrooms to sleep in. Sex aside, we could sleep comfortably in bed without waking up with the other persons foot lodged under your back or enduring the snoring of the other if they do it. Once in a while we could have a “sleep over” in one of our rooms for that cuddling time I suppose, but by in large, sleep alone. I really cherish my sleep and I find that I need 8-9 hours of quality sleep if I am going to function well the next day. I cannot imagine having to give up my sleep due to problems with the other person in bed, if there were problems.

I think the fortress of solitude [Redacted] Guy speaks of and his commenters agree with is really just a part of introversion. Us introverts are capable of living independently and often enjoy our alone time. Sometimes it’s difficult for us to live with other people or have close relationships with them.

I’ve mentioned in other articles that I am opposed to having my own children. As of late, I am wondering if I even want to get married. I haven’t ruled it out completely but I am questioning it. I know that goes against the traditional views of most people and Christianity but I am not so sure that it’s right for me.

The woman I could end up marrying would really have to be that “special someone” for me to accept me for who I am. She would have to grant me plenty of my alone time, and not to be mean, but she cannot be annoying to me. Too many women I know annoy the fire out of me and when I try to imagine being married to them solely for the sake of argument, I think that I would rather shoot myself than be married to some of these women. You probably think that sounds mean, but that is how I feel. Aren’t I entitled to be happy? I don’t want to be annoyed, I want to be happy. I know there has to be women out there that aren’t annoying; I just need to find out where they’re at.

So as an introvert, my fortress of solitude is my home and I enjoy the fact that it’s just me and my cat. Once in a while I will have company over, but I am gratefully relieved when they leave.

I think the best type of woman for me is another introvert. She would be someone who can understand me, and I understand her. We would have our own fortress’s of solitude whether it be separate bedrooms, or a different set of rooms altogether.

I’m Perfectly Happy (Choosing) to Be Single

I’m Perfectly Happy (Choosing) to Be Single

Yes, that’s right, you heard me correctly, I am single and I am also happy about it. In general I am happy with my life the way it is. I believe that there hasn’t been a day in my over 30 years of existence that I have been depressed. A good friend of mine said to me it is because I have never had a woman. To which I say “touché“, but also I say “cherchez la femme”. Yep, I have never had a girlfriend, so what. I hear they made a movie about me once… Every girl I have ever wanted to date has rejected me, every one of them; about 5 or 6 I think.

In this sex-crazed society I am a certain outcast for sure. But you know what? I don’t have 15 kids out there that I am paying child support on, and I don’t have any STD’s. So I count that as a big plus.

When I was in the Marines and we made port in South Korea, our command mandated that every Marine and Sailor carry a condom with them when they left the ship or base while on liberty. I told them several times that I didn’t need one because I wasn’t going to a whore house. My pants stayed on. I did walk down the red light district with another friend of mine and we watched hundreds of guys line up outside the brothels picking the girls they wanted to have sex with. When shore patrol would come by, everyone would scatter. When they left the area, everyone got back in line, and no one lost their place! I can only imagine how many guys contracted STD’s in Korea. Thank God I have a brain and I know how to use it.

I have people at work, at church and elsewhere always trying to set me up with some girl they know or telling me I need to get married. Why do I need to get married? They tell me how nice she is and that we’d be good to together and blah blah blah. Sure, I know they mean well and they want to see me happy. But that annoys me to no end; if I want to be set up with a girl, I will ask to be set up or I will set myself up. I don’t need or want uninvited help. Not only that, what makes them think I am unhappy right now to which having a girl will cure that and make me happy? No one ever asks, “are you happy?” They just assume that because you’re single, you’re also unhappy. You must be coupled with someone to be happy, like them I suppose.

So are the married or coupled people “happier” than us single folk? Why do I hear them always complain about their significant others? I know a girl who recently got remarried and her new husband, from what it sounds like, is not unlike me in some ways about cleaning and keeping things in order. What does she do? She whines and complains to her friends at work about him and his way of doing things. “He does this and he does that and blah blah blah”. Just listening to her talk like that, and the other girls chiming in their opinions and so forth makes me want to vomit.

I cannot stand the constant bashing of their spouses or their complaining of how things are at the office. I sit back and listen to all of this and think “I have to put up with all of this while on the job, and you people [who keep trying to set me up] want me to have one of these [a girl] in my home? So I have to hear it all day at work and then come home to hear more of it, only directed at me?” In the word of General McAuliffe from WWII at Bastogne to the German commander seeking his surrender, “NUTS!”

Cherchez la femme

That is a old French saying which means “look for the woman.” Alexandre Dumas wrote in his novel The Mohicans of Paris, 1854,

Il y a une femme dans toutes les affaires ; aussitôt qu’on me fait un rapport, je dis : « Cherchez la femme !»

Translated into English this reads:

There is a woman in every case; as soon as they bring me a report, I say, ‘Look for the woman!’

The phrase embodies a cliché of detective pulp fiction: no matter what the problem, a woman is often the root cause. The phrase has also come to mean more simply “Look for the root cause of the problem.”

It seems as though there is an air of truth to the saying as my good friend who seems to have troubles with women at times gets depressed and his moods swing up and down. What is the root cause of it all? A woman. You know what, it all dates back about 6,000 years ago in Genesis chapter 3 when the first woman ate of the forbidden fruit and gave it to her husband to eat and the rest as they say, is history.

Now you may think that I am a woman hater or something like that, but truly I am not. I do like women, but not all of them. It’s just that many of them annoy the fire out of me and I don’t want to be around someone like that. I prefer remaining single to being with an annoying and troublesome woman. I know that not all women are like that, but so far in my experience, many of them are. When I say annoying, I don’t mean just dumb little things that make us unique, I mean big things that annoy me, like the complaining and never satisfied with anything stuff. Maybe it’s a generational thing, I don’t know.

Children

As a younger man, I never gave thought to having or not having children. But as recently as 3 years ago I started thinking about it. I thought that if I did meet miss right and we married, would she or I want children? Do I want children? That is what usually happens to people after they get married, they have children. I struggled with it internally for a long time and then came to a conclusion and now I am at peace with myself on it. The answer is no, I do not want children. Not because I don’t think I can handle the responsibility or be a good father, but that I choose not to have the responsibility. I realized that I get irritated very easily by crying babies, and screaming or unruly kids. I don’t want to have to deal with that. I don’t want to change diapers and I don’t want to spend money on toys and clothes for the kids that they will outgrow and throw away in months and then replace it all with new junk to throw away in a few more months. I don’t want to raise any kids in this sick and twisted society where sexual predators and perverts are lurking around every corner waiting to steal them, torture, rape and kill them. We see it everyday in the news and it gets worse as the years go by. Society is degenerative; it gets worse as time goes on, not better.

The door is still open

Now I am not speaking in all absolutes here when I am saying that I am single and don’t really care to date or get married. I am not so foolish to think that I will remain single forever; maybe I will, maybe I won’t. But I am leaving the door open enough for a woman to enter my life and add to my happiness. I prefer to find this woman on my own. I’d much like to meet her, get to know her and then maybe go further and see if we’re right for each other.

I am happy right now; I like me. I don’t want to become unhappy with my life if I introduce the wrong woman into it. I want a woman who shares my beliefs and desires about life and God. I like to sit at home comfortably and read or write or watch a DVD. I enjoy coming home to a quiet organized home where nothing is in disarray. If I do want to go out at times, I would like the two of us to be able to pick up and go at a moments notice. With children, you can’t just do that.

Maybe I’m selfish in this respect; that I like being single and/or that I don’t want children if I do get married. You know what? Too bad, it’s my life and I’ll live it as I see fit. I don’t live my life to please anyone but myself and God, and maybe someday a wife. I don’t think it is selfish to want to be happy.  Otherwise, I will continue being single and happy.

Lonely

Am I lonely? People often assume I am lonely because I am single. Well you know what? I’m not. I happen to enjoy my own company. I don’t mind sitting at home on a Friday night by myself. I hate going out and I don’t drink so you won’t find me at a bar. I also have a cat that I love very much and he loves me too. I don’t count it as a loss that I don’t have someone to “complete me.” It’s not a big deal to me. Some look at me as being lonely and unhappy, but I look at it as enjoying my solitude and being happy in it. It’s all a matter of perspective and it only really matters to one person; me. Everyone who tells me that I am going to grow old and be lonely is practicing something called projection.

Psychological projection or projection bias (including Freudian Projection) is the unconscious act of denial of a person’s own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, which are then ascribed to the outside world, such as to the weather, a tool, or to other people. Thus, it involves imagining or projecting that others have those feelings. From Wikipedia.

More often than not, folks are projecting their unconscious feelings about loneliness, marriage, being single and companionship onto me. They think that because they have these certain feelings, that I must also have them. Well, I don’t. I have my own feelings on the subject, and they’re likely not the same.

Essentially, my feeling on this whole being single or married thing comes down to my personality type. I am an introvert who doesn’t require the affection of others nearly as much as the extroverted people do. Once in a great while I will feel slightly lonely, but it never lasts more than a few minutes and then I carry on as usual.

Sex

Not a big deal to me. It’s something I’ve never experienced, so I can’t miss it. I’ve read that the average duration of a couple’s intimate time is 12 minutes. That’s all. 12 minutes. Wow. I look at that, and think that if I married the wrong person for me just so I could have sex, I would be in a world of hurt. I think of all the aggravation that could come of a marriage that wasn’t meant to be, that in a 24 hour period of general displeasure, all I would expect to get is 12 minutes of physical pleasure; if I got it at all.

As I get older, I realize that sex isn’t everything in a relationship, maybe to some people it is, but I think that it wouldn’t be all for me. Would I like to have sex? Sure I would. But I don’t base my existence on the search or desire for it. Is sex really worth the emotional distress that typically comes along with a relationship? I like to think not. Emotional distress causes me to be unhappy.

Singles benefits

As long as I am single, I can sleep diagonally across my bed and hog all the sheets! I can leave the toilet seat up if I want. I can drink right from the carton of milk. I can come and go as I please without having to answer to anyone. If I don’t want to go somewhere, I won’t go. If I want to go somewhere, I’ll go.

As I mentioned already, I like me and I am happy in my life. If I remain single until I die, great! If I do meet miss right and we marry and live happily ever after, great! Either way, I’m fine, really I’m fine now.

Lastly

I have been extremely honest in this post, airing some of my more deeper thoughts on the subject. If you think I’ve been too honest in sharing some of these thoughts and that they’re harsh or hurtful or some other negative adjective, you’re a hypocrite. Don’t kid yourself; we all have deep inner thoughts about various things that we typically will never share with anyone. I have the luxury of anonymity here except for a few people who do know me. To them I say “now you’re getting to know the real me.” It’s something most people are afraid of letting others know. Why can’t we be honest about our feelings without being hated?

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